When Lovers Become Friends
by Kireina Kitsune
Summary: How does one mend a broken heart when two of the people you trusted more than anyone betray you? Just ask Keiko Yukimura.
1. Default Chapter

When Lovers Become Friends

Authors Note: This story will be told from Keiko Yukimura's point of view. It may be a little confusing at first, but trust me; it will make sense in time. This is not a normal he-broke-up-with-me-I-still-love-him-and-now-I-have-to-watch-them-be-happy-together story. Nor is it a she-stole-him-from-me-and-I-will-break-them-up-so-we-can-be-together story. It has some unique twists. I wrote this from my own personal experience, so if I go over the top sometimes, I apologize. I just thought that maybe writing it down would help me put things into perspective. I have nothing against Botan either. Of course standard declaimers apply: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, or any of the other characters. Please read and review. Take it easy on the flames though. I am a fragile creature. Enjoy.

Chapter 1: I'm Sorry, Did You Just Say What I Think You Did?  


I cannot believe the words that he is speaking. I refuse to accept this as the truth. How can this be happening to us? My heart was shattered into a million pieces the second he uttered those words.

"Keiko, I have feelings for Botan. I think it would be best for me to look into a relationship with her. But I need some time to decide. I'm sorry, but we need to take a break. I need some time to sort out my feelings."

That was it. He may want her instead of me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

What was I supposed to say? How did he expect me to react? Does he even care about my feelings? Did he ever?

These questions swim rapidly through my head as I dejectedly get up out of his car and walk towards my own. I can no longer feel anything. I believe this is what people call shock. Of all the things I am asking myself at this moment, the most pressing query on my mind is; how could this happen after last night?

I flop down into the seat of my car and lower my head down onto the steering wheel as sobs began to violently rack throughout my body and warm tears started to stream down my cheeks while I recalled the events of the previous evening...

We were over at Yusuke's house and watching a movie. He kept getting messages on his communicator from her all night long. I figured it was work related, so like always, I chose not to interfere. Then he started laughing, and got up and walked off to his room. I continued to watch the movie all the way through by myself. By the time it was over, my patience was gone. I went to his room, opened the door, and he was still talking to her.

"I'm going to go ahead and leave now," I said to him, irritation in my voice obvious, "Goodnight." I turned to walk away when I heard him speak.

"Why are you leaving?" he replied, seemingly having no idea what my problem was.

"Well, it appears you are busy at the moment, and I don't want to bother you, so I will just go and leave you guys alone since it seems you would rather talk to her than me."

And then he reached up and grabbed my hand, looked deep into my eyes. In that instance, there was nothing I could do to tear myself away from his gorgeous, brown eyes.

"Keiko, you are my girlfriend. She is just a friend, she can wait." He sounded so genuine and almost offended. As if to apologize, he tried to pull me down into his lap to hold me.

I resisted his grasp and replied almost coldly, "Oh is that what I am? I couldn't tell by the way you have been acting lately." I knew I was being irrational, but I was hurt and felt the need to lash out at him.

_This statement was made in reference to that fact that he had been spending an increasing amount of time with her. Not just through work, but outside, hanging out as friends. I have been so busy with school and work that I just don't have as much time to spend with him as I did before. I know this has been bothering him, so I thought that it would be a good idea for him to spend more time with other people, including Botan. After all she is one of my closest friends, and she would never want to hurt me. Besides, they work together all the time, and I trusted him, and her. So I paid it no mind when she would call him on occasion, but for lately it has become more and more frequent. People have been telling me for months that she has feelings for him, and that I needed to watch my back, but I told them they were wrong. Yusuke loves me and me only. I kept telling myself that it shouldn't bother me, but it did that night, and for some reason, I couldn't let it go. In retrospect, maybe I should have.  
_  
He seemed a bit taken back by my words, but kissed me and tried to reassure me by telling me that, 'I was the only woman he wanted in his life and arms at that moment.'

_'AT THAT MOMENT' was what he said. I should have realized something then, but instead I pushed to the back of mind and chose not to think about it.  
_  
He tried again to get me to snuggle with him.

I recoiled.

"Yusuke, please listen to me," I began, kneeling down beside him and looking him square in the eye, "I am worried that Botan may be trying to steal you from me. I'm not the only one who thinks so either. Both Yukina and Shizuru have told me to watch my back. I told them I have nothing to worry about and that you love me and you would never do anything like that. Please tell me I was not wrong to make that assumption. She seems to need to be in contact you all the time and I understand that you work together, and that you are friends but it is a bit bothersome and curious that this constant communication has really started up all of the sudden. I don't want you to think that I don't trust you because that isn't the case. I trust you more than anyone, but please try to understand that it's her I'm starting not to trust."

He looked at me and nodded like he was taking this all in and in response all he had to say was, "Keiko, I love you. Trust me you have nothing to worry about. Botan and I are just friends. She wouldn't do that to you. She doesn't even like me like that. She just needs someone to talk to. You know she doesn't have many friends, and she just gets lonely some times. You should know how much I care about you. Do you want me to stop talking to her; do you want us to not be friends anymore?"

_My first instinct was to say, 'YES, I want you stop talking to her, and just keep your relationship to work only' but I wanted him to know I had faith in him and his love for me.  
_  
"No, Yusuke. It's not that I want you to stop being her friend so much as I just want you to be aware of my fears, and just keep an eye open for any advances on her part. Like I keep saying, I trust you, and I feel that you are smart enough to handle this situation the best way you see fit. If you don't think there is anything wrong, than do as you wish."

_That was the biggest mistake I ever could have made. Never, ever let the guy decide.  
_  
He seemed to be content with my answer so he leaned forward and began to rub my back and kiss my neck. He knows how helpless I am to his charms. I tried to resist at first but I eventually gave in to his advances.

We made love that night. The passion that was shared between us was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I would even go so far as to say that it was the best we've ever had. Both of us were trying desperately to prove our love for one another. I needed him to reassure me that I was the only woman for him, and he knew this and did needed to be done to put my fears at rest.

I left that night feeling like I had nothing to worry about. Yusuke and I were just fine. He and Botan were only friends, and I was just imagining things.

How could I have been so stupid?

Authors Note: So ends Chapter One. Please let me know what you think so far. Like I said before, this story is not as usual as it seems. Who knows, maybe you have been here before too? Please keep reading and reviewing.


	2. Okay, That's What I Thought You Said

Chapter 2: Okay, That's What I Thought You Said.

Authors Note: Chapter Two picks up on the morning prior to the fight from the first few paragraphs in Chapter One. Thanks to all who reviewed. It is very encouraging. Please keep it up. Hope you enjoy.

After last night, all of my concerns went right out the window. I carried out my day like normal. I called him in the morning to wake him up like I always do. I went to work and school. I actually had a fairly pleasant day. I called him when I got off work and got his voicemail. I left him a message at about 6:30 telling him to give me a call soon.

10:00 that night rolled around and I still had not heard from him. So I decided to give him another call. He answered the phone and sounded like he was in a pretty good mood.

"Hi." I said. "How are you?"

"Oh, hey I'm fine what's up with you?"

"Not much, did you get my message"

"Nope. I didn't. What message?"

"Oh, I see. It wasn't anything important. I just wanted to say hi. So, what are you doing?"

"Nothing much. I'm just hanging out with Botan at her apartment."

The instant he said those words, something inside my head snapped, and I hung up the phone. This was not the smartest move I could have made, because Yusuke hates to be hung up on.

He called me back and I tried to answer the phone, but I accidentally pressed the ignore button instead. He figured I was just pissed off and he left me a voice-mail telling me to call him back when I calmed down. I called him back immediately and apologized. He didn't seem to care, because I had hung up on him and there was no excuse for that.

I heard Botan say in the background that I could come over too if I wanted, so I thought it best to try to repair any damage I may have done between my boyfriend and me.

I arrived at her apartment complex shortly after and went on up. I knocked on the door, and after a few seconds, she opened the door and invited me inside. He was sitting on the couch watching television. As soon as I entered, she resumed her seat right next to him, so I decided to sit in the chair. I was not pleased about this but I said nothing and instead let my annoyance show on my face.

Yusuke didn't look at me the entire time. I knew right then that something was wrong, but I figured we would talk after we left. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have to wait long.

We got up after the show concluded, said our thanks and good nights to our hostess, and then proceeded to our cars. He went to get into his, and he didn't kiss me or even say goodbye.

"Are you still mad at me?" I tentatively inquired, afraid to hear the answer.

"I'm just so sick and tired of your tantrums and bad moods." he responded back with more anger and frustration in his voice than this incident should have warranted, yet he didn't yell at me so I took this as a good sign.

I closed my car door and cautiously made my way over towards his. I asked for permission to join him inside and he didn't move, nor speak, so I took my usual place in the passenger seat. He continued to remain silent. He refused to look at me. We sat in quiet contemplation for some time before I decided that I would speak first and start the fight that I was sure was going to ensue.

"Yusuke," I started calmly, "what's wrong?"

He sighed heavily and looked out the window at nothing in particular and said, "Keiko, I am tired."

"I'm sorry," I said, "I will just let you go. We can talk tomorrow and..."

"No," he stopped me, "Not about tonight, but about everything."

At this point I became confused and fear began to grip at my heart, but I thought it best to let him continue uninterrupted.

"I just don't know about things anymore. My life is getting so damn complicated. I can't keep this up for much longer. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I hesitantly asked.

He turned to look at me but found that he couldn't do it. So instead he looked at his dashboard.

"Keiko," he began, "I can't take this anymore. I know how much you care about me, but I can't handle anymore of your stress. I have never been in a real relationship before. I never realized it was so much work. We hardly have fun anymore. You are too tired, sick, busy, or in a bad mood. I just want to have fun. I don't like the fact that I can't make you happy or feel better. It just makes me depressed. I think you deserve better than me anyway."

"Yusuke that's nonsense! You do make me happy. I love you so much. I know I can get pretty stressed sometimes, but just give me some time, and I'm sure things will get better for me. The reason you feel that you can't make me better is because you refuse to do the things that will make me feel better. You won't hold me, or kiss me without me having to beg. The only time you touch me at all is when we make love!"

My own fury was beginning to grow within me, but I learned a long time ago not to get combative with him, so I used most of my self-control to keep my voice at a normal level as I continued.

"But I told you I accept you for that. I understand you aren't too good with feelings and being touched. I let it go because I love you in spite of that, and I know you love me too. As far as me finding someone better than you, that would be impossible. You are a great guy. Why would I ever look for someone else when I have you? I need you. "

"You don't need me. Perhaps you should look for someone else."

"If this is about earlier, I am sorry I hung up on you. I just freaked when I heard you were with her after the conversation we had last night. Then you didn't return my call. I just got scared."

"But it isn't only that."

"What are you trying to say Yusuke?" I managed to choke out above the sobs that were stuck in my throat. I was really scared now.

"When I am with Botan, we have fun. There isn't anything going on, but I think there could be in the future. She is really laid back, and she doesn't want a relationship either, but she has admitted she likes me, and I like her too. But neither one of us has made a move because we don't want to hurt you. I know I told you I loved you, but I don't think I know what love really is, or if I even want to ever find out. You know me so well that it scares me. I never wanted anyone to get that close, but you did, and I don't know how to handle it."

I knew what was coming next. My body became tense and tears threatened to spill over my eyes then, but I held them back as he delivered the final blow.

"Keiko, I have feelings for Botan. I think it would be best for me to look into a relationship with her. But I need some time to decide. I'm sorry, but we need to take a break. I need some time to sort out my feelings."

Instantly I broke inside. I shut my eyes and looked away from him. How could he lie to me last night? He doesn't love me. I clutched at the growing pain in my chest where my heart used to reside. Then I realized that he didn't say he was breaking up with me, we were just merely going to take a short time apart so he could sort out his feelings. I reminded myself that breaking down in front of him at this point in time would only make matters worse, so I took a breath and with my last ounce of resolve spoke.

"I understand," I said quietly. "I will give you as much time as you need. Perhaps it is I who should apologize to you. I'm sorry I've made your life so miserable. I will go now."

I grabbed the handle, but stopped and turned around to ask one more question, "Can I at least have a kiss goodnight?"

He made no move towards me, nor did he say anything. He just stared out the window. That hurt. A lot.

"I guess not." I said getting out, and then I leaned back in the doorway to add, "Yusuke, even though you said you don't feel the same, I still love you and I always will. I hope you have a good evening. Goodnight."

With that, I closed the door and walked back to my car.

This brings us back to the present. I turned on my car, pulled out and started to drive towards home. Halfway there I realized that I was way too upset to go in yet. I would have woken up the entire neighborhood I was crying so loud. So I decided to take a small detour out to one of my favorite spots.

When I arrived on that hill overlooking the city, I turned off my car and cried until I had no more tears or strength left. I cried for the loss of my best friend, my lover, my companion, and the fact that I just felt like it. I never knew it could hurt this much. He lied to me. He told me that he didn't feel that way about her. He made love to me and told me that I was the only one he wanted.

Plus, one of my best friends has told my boyfriend that she has feelings for him. She was the one I went to when I was upset from my fights from him. I don' know how many nights I spent crying in her lap. Botan was always there to stroke my hair and reassure me of Yusuke's love for me. So now I have to deal with her betrayal as well.

I knew things would never be the same after this and that fact in itself made me sad. I loved him so much and she was my friend. I didn't want things to change. But I also came to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason and I would just have to wait to find out why this was happening to me now when I needed them the most. My job is complete chaos. I have finals at school that will affect my future. My bills are piling up and I can't pay them at all. But the icing on the cake, my mother and I are fighting constantly, so even my life at home was hectic. She was keeping things fun, and he was keeping me grounded and sane. When him and I were together, none of that other stuff mattered. Even if just for a moment I could forget about all of that because I was happy with him. Now, I don't know what to think or do. Having that thought, I once again I commenced bawling.

By the time I made it home, it was close to 4:00 in the morning. I crept in the house quietly. I finally made it to my room. I was completely drained, so I crawled into my bed and passed out.

I had no idea that I had been followed until the next day.

Authors Note: So what do you think so far? Please let me know.


	3. What Do I Do Now?

Chapter 3: What Do I Do Now?

Authors Note: So we are now caught up to the present. There is not a whole lot going on just yet, but hang in there. Trust me it only gets better from here.

I awoke the next afternoon to the sound of my phone ringing. It was Yusuke.

"Hey," he said, "How are you doing? I just wanted to make sure you got home okay last night."

For a split second, I thought that perhaps I had imagined everything that happened the prior evening. It was nothing but a nightmare, and there is nothing wrong between Yusuke and me. He sounds so concerned and gentle. But then he continued on.

"I followed you out to your spot last night, but you seemed so upset, and I thought that if you saw me there it would only make matters worse, so I just went home instead."

Okay, it wasn't a nightmare. All of it was real. Every last little bit of it.

"I'm fine, and yes I did get home alright last night. Thank you for your concern."

"No problem. I was just making sure. I was kind of worried, but hey, that's all I wanted to know so I'm gonna let you go cause I have to go back to work. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

And with that he hung up the phone. That was the shortest phone conversation we had ever had. In the mornings, we would talk for at least an hour. And even though he said he was worried about me that didn't change the fact that he didn't tell me he loves me or even have a nice day. It made me resume the crying I had stopped last night.

Then my phone rang again. Hope swelled within me and I thought that it maybe him again, calling back to say the things he didn't say before. Stifling my tears, I picked up the phone, relief filling my being until I heard who was on the other end of the line.

"Good afternoon Keiko. How are you? Yusuke called me this morning and told me about what happened last night. I am so sorry you guys broke up. Do you want to talk about it?"

It was Botan.

My mind immediately started screaming, 'HE CALLED YOU BEFORE HE CALLED ME! HOW DARE YOU, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE ASK ME HOW I AM!? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYWAY? WAIT, HE TOLD YOU WE BROKE UP!!' But I chose to keep those thoughts to myself for the time being.

"I'm alright. Just a little tired. Thanks for asking though." My curiosity got the better of me before I could stop myself from asking the next question. "What exactly did he tell you anyway?"

She became quiet for a few moments, almost like she was trying to sort out their conversation in her head so she would only have to tell me certain details.

"Well, he said that you guys had a long talk last night, and he said it would be best for him if you guys broke up, because he is confused about his feelings for you. He told me he told you we have feelings for each other, and I just wanted to let you know that I have we intention of pursuing anything together without your permission. After all, you are still our friend and we don't want to hurt you. Besides, I'm not even sure if I like him like that or not."

That would have hurt if I still had the ability to feel pain. I am still THEIR friend. She talks about it like they are already together, and what does she mean by "my permission" and who wouldn't want Yusuke? Is she insulting my taste in men? With my mind being in "ultra attack mode" like it was I decided it was not a very bright idea to further continue this talk with my 'soon to be former friend.'

"Botan, I'm sorry, but can we discuss this later. I have a terrible headache, and I am afraid I am not a very good conversationalist right now. Perhaps I can call you later?"

"Okay, that sounds good. I hope you feel better. Bye."

I hung up the phone and began to ponder what had just happened. Why did he tell her we broke up? What is going on? I needed to know the answers to these questions, so I picked up the phone and went to dial Yusuke's number, but then I stopped myself. I told him I would give him time. Bothering him now may seem like all I do is harass him. Letting this realization set in I hung up the phone and cried some more because I didn't know what else to do.

A few more hours passed and Yusuke called me after he got off work. We didn't talk for too much time and nothing if any import was discussed. The conversation merely consisted of him asking me how I was feeling, and me lying through my teeth telling him I was okay. That was it.

I decided not to call Botan back at this moment in time because I didn't trust myself enough not to "fly off the handle" and accuse her of things that I had no proof of. I had no evidence that she was instigating this whole thing. For all I knew it was Yusuke who started it. I doubt that, but none the less, I resigned myself to keep quite until the proper time for such a fight was needed.

A few days later, I met up with Shizuru and Yukina for lunch. They were listening to me as I told them everything that happened over the past couple of days.

I told them how Yusuke said he was taking some time to sort out his feelings. I mentioned that one of the reasons he said he was doing this was because of my depression and how I am to busy all of the time. I explained to them how there was a slight possibility he would leave me for her. I also told them about the phone call I received from Botan the morning after our "break-up" was decided. Yukina looked horrified, and Shizuru looked like she was going to go kick some ass.

"I can't believe they would do this to you," Shizuru said. "Who the hell do they think they are anyway? Yusuke and you were meant for each other. We all know this. She is supposed to be your friend. He just needs to get whatever this is out of his system. You don't have anything to worry about. And if he should do something stupid like break up with you for her, you know I will make him sorry."

All I could do was sourly chuckle at that and reply, "I don't think I have anything to worry about either. Or at least I hope not. Yusuke and I have such a deep past. I only hope he sees it too. I need him you guys. I love him so much. I don't know what I will do without him."

"You know I hate to say it, but I did warn you about this. I told you she was going to try to weasel her way in between you guys. I get so tired of being right." Shizuru said.

"But why would she want to do that anyway?" I asked her.

"Isn't it obvious? She is jealous of your relationship. She sees how happy you two are together and she wants that for herself. Yusuke has shown on many missions that he cares about her safety and well being, so why shouldn't she pursue it? How many other males in her life have shown her those kinds of feelings? Think about it, if Yusuke has already shown her the signs that he cares in any way, of course she would want that?"

Taking in what Shizuru was saying was hard. She was right. I was almost in tears again when Yukina shot her a warning look as if to say, "that's enough" and reached over to give me a hug and told me not to worry.

"Keiko everything is going to be okay. I know it is hard right now, but just wait and see. And just for the record, Shizuru, you are not always right. I'm certain that Yusuke will come back to you."

"Yeah sure." Shizuru replied sounding not as sure as she implied, "But look at it this way, you have got everything she has and more. Yusuke would have to be a complete idiot to not see that. And if all else fails, you still have us."

I smiled weakly, and sighed audibly, "Thanks. You guys are the best friends I could hope for. But I just can't help but worry. Yusuke said give him one week, then he would make his decision and that time is almost up. I have hardly spoken to him at all. I told him I would give him the space he needed to figure things out for himself. I don't call him, he barely calls me, so I figure that is a good thing because then that means he is still thinking about us and he hasn't given up just yet. I guess I will know either way soon enough."

Once again, I was right to worry because as I soon found out, I could not have been any further from the truth.

Authors Note: Not that it's any big secret, but can you guess what will happen next? I never thought what happens next would ever come into play. Read on and keep reviewing.


	4. Okay, Here Goes Nothing

Chapter 4: Okay, Here Goes Nothing.  
  
As promised, one week passed and I was proven wrong yet again. I got a call from him after he got off work, and I knew the minute he said the words, "We need to talk." that my worst fears were going to be confirmed.

He asked me to meet him at a small café that we had never been to before. I instantly realized that he wanted to take me someplace that was neutral ground and someplace that was quiet so I would be less likely to make a scene.

We met up outside and walked in together. We sat in a small, secluded booth towards the back. He offered to buy me something to eat; however, I declined and informed him that I had no appetite. He bought me a cup of tea instead and the conversation I had been dreading began.

"Keiko," he started, "I have made my decision. I think I need to try to make something happen between Botan and me. I really like her a lot. We have been talking a lot over this last week and getting to know each other better, but she still isn't sure if she wants to be with me. I want to give it a shot. I am very sorry. I know this must hurt you, but?"

And with that he stopped and trailed off.

So that's why he hadn't been calling me, he was busy getting to know her better. I was wrong. I should have called him more. Why do I keep making so many mistakes? Damn it!

I know getting upset and being irrational was not the way to get Yusuke to listen to my point of view. Actually that was the worst way to go about it. He would most likely get up and leave saying something to the effect of "I don't have to sit here and listen to this." But what else did I have to lose at this point? What was the worst thing he could do? Break up with me, oh wait, HE ALREADY DID THAT! I made a decision right then and there to let my heart do the talking instead of my head stopping it for once.

So visibly distressed I prompted him to continue with an explanation of why he was breaking my heart.

"But what Yusuke? Why? Why her and not me? What does she have that I don't? Why can't I get it? Why are you doing this to me? Was the night before all of this started just a lie? I love you so much, and you are just going to throw me away, throw us away like it never mattered!?"

"Keiko, that's not it," he said almost pleadingly. The drastic change in his mood caught me off guard. At first he had an air of confidence about him, now he seemed almost frantic.

"I don't want to hurt you. It's not that she has something you don't necessarily it's just there is something about her I find attractive. No, that night was not a lie. I do care for you, and everything I said that night I truly meant at that time. And yes, it does matter because like I said, I still care about you. You are my best friend. I don't want to throw you or us away. I don't want to lose you."

Okay, at this point I am totally confused.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked with exasperation mounding up within me. "You are saying you don't want me anymore, you want her, and now on top of that you are saying you don't want to lose me? I don't understand. You had better explain this better."

He looked at me with beseeching eyes and reached for my hand across the table. I instantaneously jerked my own away. A look of hurt crossed his features and for the first time I can remember, I was glad he was hurt.

"Honey listen to me," he began, but before he could continue I almost shouted, "You no longer have the right to call me that!"

"Fine, but please let me talk. I still care a lot about you. You are a very important person in my life. Botan still hasn't decided if she wants to go out with me. She said she likes me, but she isn't sure if she really likes me like that. Besides, you are her friend, and she doesn't want to damage her friendship with you by going out with me. So what I'm trying to say is, don't give up hope on us just yet. If things don't work out between her and I, then there is a chance you and I could get back together. I mean you said you love me, right? Do you understand now?"

Right at that moment, I should have gotten up, slapped him across the face and walked out of his life forever. I cannot believe he would even have the audacity to suggest that I should wait around for him just IN CASE things didn't work out between them. How could I have fallen so deeply in love with such an arrogant jerk?

But that was the problem. I do love him. I couldn't pass this chance up. So I did the only thing I could think of to do at the time.

My own personality switched dramatically and I countered with, "Alright Yusuke. I'll tell you what, if you truly believe that Botan is what you need to be happy, then I will give you both my blessing and I will help you get her. I will use my influence to make her want to go out with you. Then we will just have to wait and see what happens from there."

It was his turn to be shocked by my sudden attitude adjustment and assertion. He was very unsure of how to continue, so he chose the safe road of, "But Keiko, that will hurt you so much and..."

I cut him off before he could continue. "What do you care anymore? I know you better than you know yourself, as you said, so I realize that once you have made up your mind about something, then that is it, end of discussion. Also, you and I both know that no matter how hard I tried, there is nothing I can do to keep you as my boyfriend if you didn't want to be. If you really wanted me, then you would have said so.?

"But I said I do want you. Aren't you listening to…"

I reached up and silenced him with my hand. Taking a deep breath I continued, "Please let me finish. Since we cannot have the relationship I want, then friendship will have to suffice. And so, therefore, it is my duty as your friend and because I love you so much to make you happy. You think she will make you happy, so therefore, I repeat, I will let you guys get together. I will convince Botan that it is okay with me on one condition, she has to make you happy. Now as far as you and me in the future, my feelings for you aren't going to change. Now at the same time, I resolve myself not to interfere with your new relationship should one arise. The only thing I ask in return is please consider me as an alternative to being alone if things should not work out between you guys."

He was sitting across from me and he appeared to be letting this all settle in his mind. Several silent moments passed before he spoke.

"But I don't understand," he said now being the baffled one. "Why would you help me be with another woman if you still love me yourself?"

"Yusuke, you just said it. I love you. That is why. Love makes people do strange things that make absolutely no sense. It is because seeing you happy will make me happy. And besides, you said we are still friends, right? Do you understand now?" I said using his words back against him.

He seemed to think about it for a bit before answering, "Alright. I will let you talk to Botan and see if you can convince her to date me. But I don't want you to get hurt. If you are not truly okay with this, then I won't do it. I want you to be happy to also you know."

Right there was my chance, my out. If I said don't do it, he wouldn't. But then he wouldn't be happy because he wouldn't be with her. I wouldn't be happy because he wouldn't be with me. And she wouldn't be happy because I would be preventing them from giving it a shot. So I concluded that it would be better to have only one moderately unhappy person, versus three very unhappy people.

"Yusuke, it means a lot for you to say that to me, but isn't it better for you and her to be happy, and for me to be mildly less happy, then to have all three of us sharing the same depression boat. I care so much about you, that all I want is for you to be happy. Like I said, I couldn't change your mind even if I wanted to, so what is the use in hoping or trying? There isn't any. If she is what you need to be happy then so be it."

He uncertainly agreed. It is only looking back now that I see the reason for his hesitation.

Shortly after that we parted ways for the evening, still agreeing to be friends, but reconciling with the fact that it was her he wanted right now and not me. He gave me a hug before we left the restaurant, and told me to call him to let him know I got home okay. He didn't want anything bad to happen to me. I complied.

Leaving there that night, I really thought I could handle what was about to happen next. I honestly had myself convinced that his being happy with her was enough to ease some of the pain in my heart. How foolish could I really be?

Author Note: If you think Keiko, couldn't make any more mistakes, just wait and she what she does in the next chapter. Now to all of you Keiko fans out there, please remember, I am just using her name to tell my own twisted tale. I know she is stronger and smarter than this, but please bear with me. Thanks for the reviews.


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